Breaking Through "What Ifs" and "What Could Have Been"

Been on a crossroad? Turn between this and that?  Well, I have!  It was choosing between letting go and holding on.  And this is what I've learnt, "one must find the courage to tread beyond the perimeters of perceived comfort zones".  Goodness! it's a real challenge thus the "COURAGE"!!!  


Thankfully, I made it.  I am now working in an environment that allows me to do things that I could not have done before.  No "what ifs" and "what could have been" as my doubts are cleared.  I have proven that my capabilities are building each day.  It is a matter of exposing myself to various challenges in life, instead of being confined in a box that is so limiting.


It is hoped that by reading this YOU will also find YOUR COURAGE!


BEST OF LUCK!

This is me today...

Been a while since my last post. But, here i am again after a "struggle". Indeed, "there is light at the end of the tunnel". Quite a cliche, but metaphorically my life has taken a lot of turns round some tunnel or so.

My previous article is a bit of a gloom. It's actually brought about by the pains I have to endure then. Good enough it is all over and I am starting anew. And as always is, the pains made me tougher, stronger and more determined. Hence, I wish to share an insight or two :

1. Acknowledge the hurt, it is not cowardly to do so;

2. But, one must not dwell too long on wounded feelings;

3. One must not be overcome by fear. Such will lead to nowhere;

4. One must reflect and make a stand;

5. Make the change and move on...

Life is an awful puzzle at times. Though, one with the will can take control if only one heeds the obvious. Isn't it that: once atop, chances are to fall....so be cautious; but from underneath, chances are to rise... so be hopeful.

Good day to you lucky one... yes, you who has read this article!

"When The Job I love the most becomes a Burden"

All this time I thought I will reap excellent fruits of my labor. I have invested so much in my profession (oh at least I believe I am within the bounds of the definition of "professional"). Within those fifteen (15) years of service, I have managed to work my way up to where I am now (at supervisory level). Indeed, it was a promotion for a job well done. And this is well documented in the performance ratings I have earned.

I love my job, otherwise, I would not have been as dedicated as I had been. Those supervisors would not have rated my performance as "outstanding". Consequently, I would not have assumed a supervisory position in this institution. But, I have! So, with confidence I can say I am good.

Sad to note however, but these past few days I tend to loose my confidence. Much worse, I can not seem to find my value as an employee. To this day since February this year I have not accomplished anything work related. I have done a lot of reflection though, trying to understand my circumstance. Was it really the wrong move?

Losing confidence was actually a consequence of my confession to resign. But before my question is answered, I wish to elaborate on my story (at this point I can hear my friend say: "after all it is my story to tell"). And so my story goes...

...Since I joined the Project Management Office (PMO) after successfully completing and passing the Management Development Program (MDP), I have always been blunt about my intention of transferring/looking for a job that will allow me to be home based (in the province). The MDP is a training program made available to those with potential of assuming middle management position (just an FYI). Anyway, while with PMO I was also very vulgar about my views and not once did I allow anyone within the department to intimidate me (not even my superiors). I disagree when I find reason to disagree. And at some point this has been a cause of conflict between me and my immediate supervisor (the unit head). But still I managed to gain their appreciation for my contribution and so I again earned an "outstanding" rating for 2009 (this is so despite my being new to the unit and the department).

Late this January however, things got out of hand. I was holding a grudge against my unit head just before I was sent for an outside training. During training I was caught in an emotional confrontation with the Speaker (who also happens to be a friend of both my unit and my department head). In short I was entangled in a web of conflicts, thus I decided to give up. It was at this time that I told the department head of my decision to leave the institution by end of July this year.

Seemingly, as a protocol in any organization, I went through a series of intense conversation with my superiors. My unit head, without second thoughts, agreed to my proposition. But my two other superiors (the department and the group head respectively) advised me otherwise. With the latter, I saw slight hope for at least wonderful last days with the institution. But over a week things changed. All of my work assignments were pulled out and I was left to do nothing. It was totally demoralizing and degrading to be reporting for work and not doing anything. After 15 years this is the first time I felt entirely useless! Now, the job I once loved becomes a burden.

I keep asking myself, was I wrong in being transparent? Am I deserving to be treated this way?

"The Changes In Me"

Having spent most of my days in a countryside, I longed to live life differently. It's not that I was discontented. I have wonderful parents, though strict in a sense. However, my curiousity got out of me. I have always lived with my parents. They have been my shadow for over 26 years since I came into this world. Ah... "INDEPENDENCE", I guess this is the very reason why. Wanting to be in control, I decided to take that big leap.

I moved to the "City". Fascinated with city life and the wished independence, I felt anew then. But that didn't last long. I faced my first crisis in the city a month after. Out of the blue, I just felt like I don't belong at all. Deep inside I was crying to go home. Then, for some reasons, I was able to pull through. I found my place in my new environment and felt accepted at a point in time. Yes, only "at a point in time" since I was again confronted with over a handful of other crisis. And then again I made myself shine thereafter. This became a routine for the past 10 years. Until early this year, I finally realize how tiresome it had been.

Many says life is indeed a cycle of ups and downs. While this is true, still I believe we can make the "down" part a little less miserable. It may vary between individuals but, in my case being close to my family will ease the pain of being "down". In the end, the country life works out the best for me. I don't despise the "City", but it definitely is not my home.

How about you?

A Realization...

It is now fifteen (15) years since I entered the corporate labyrinth. The experience was worthwhile despite the roller coaster ride that I have to endure.

Looking back, my early days of employment was full of colorful promises. Having graduated with honors, I am confident about my future in the corporate world. Things were as clear as the sky. I know what I want and where I am going. I focused mainly on reaching a remarkable spot up the corporate ladder.

With dedication and genuine commitment for my job, I gradually achieve my goal. My superiors took notice of my efforts. I would say, they (my superiors) were convinced that my capabilities are limitless. Naturally, this comes with great expectations. Thus, I begin to assume greater responsibilities.

Now, I can say I have proven my worth as an employee. My career achievement is my pride. But despite that I still feel empty. Consequently, I took some time to reflect, wondering what was lacking. This brings me to a realization that I failed to maintain that balance between my career and my family.

Yes, career does not define life's success. No matter where we are in the corporate hierarchy, if the family is sacrificed, all is in vain. This has been my predicament as a single mom and as the eldest and unmarried member of the family. My work requires so much of my time that I barely see my son, my parents and my sister. I came to realize that providing for their financial needs is not enough. Finally, I understand the equal importance of my physical presence with them.

This familial awakening leads me to take a different turn from the career path I once followed. I am now about to give up my present job. At this point I continue to search for new earning endeavor that will allow me to be with my son and my family. I must admit the fear of the unknown overwhelms me. But the love I have for my son and my family is my strength in facing the challenges ahead.