This is me today...

Been a while since my last post. But, here i am again after a "struggle". Indeed, "there is light at the end of the tunnel". Quite a cliche, but metaphorically my life has taken a lot of turns round some tunnel or so.

My previous article is a bit of a gloom. It's actually brought about by the pains I have to endure then. Good enough it is all over and I am starting anew. And as always is, the pains made me tougher, stronger and more determined. Hence, I wish to share an insight or two :

1. Acknowledge the hurt, it is not cowardly to do so;

2. But, one must not dwell too long on wounded feelings;

3. One must not be overcome by fear. Such will lead to nowhere;

4. One must reflect and make a stand;

5. Make the change and move on...

Life is an awful puzzle at times. Though, one with the will can take control if only one heeds the obvious. Isn't it that: once atop, chances are to fall....so be cautious; but from underneath, chances are to rise... so be hopeful.

Good day to you lucky one... yes, you who has read this article!

Who Can Relate To This?

At a point in time during my undergraduate years, I have longed for the day I will land a job. However, I do not want to be just any other employee. Thus after graduation, at age 18, I immediately enrolled for the CPA review. After six months, I took the CPA Board Examination. Unfortunately, lack was not on my side. I did not pass!

The effect was devastating. Having graduated with honors, the School highly expects that I will make it. In a way, I think I failed them. My torment was even aggravated knowing that a schoolmate did earn a passing mark. Much worse, I was already teaching in the same school where I finished my Bachelor's Degree when the results came out. Consequently, I have no choice but to witness my schoolmate's Oath taking Ceremony.

This depressing episode in my life stimulates an extreme desire for excellence. Apparently, I challenged myself to do better than any CPA. Having handled basic accounting subjects, I ensure that my approach encourages learning and attracts students' interest. It was then my dream to produce a CPA among the aspiring young adults in my class. I made myself a part of their aspirations by providing the knowledge they need for them to succeed. Indeed, my efforts proved worthwhile. Years after I left the academe, I learned that one of my students emerged as a licensed CPA.

As a bank employee, I continue to strive for excellence. True enough, my efforts paved the way to where I am now. I have earned the respect of colleagues. In a way, I have proven that I am more than a CPA.

Still, I seek for more. I am no longer contented in what I have achieved. The years of hard work seemed futile. Thus, I am now in search for something worthwhile doing; a fresh source of income that is all the while fulfilling; a work that at some extent will bring me closer to my family, my community and my God.

I am now considering life coaching. This field of endeavor stirs my interest. A gratifying profession that is a fulfillment of my quest. However, this also means investment. Talking about finances, now, it poses a great challenge for me. I am not losing hope though. I know, soon, I will find the right funding source that will help me through proper training and eventually earn my certificate as a professional life coach.

Never give up!, as they say...

A Journey to Happiness

Cleaning, rearranging, decorating, gardening and all other domestic chores keeps me grounded to my core this past week. Once upon a time, I loathe doing such activities. Back then, I find it boring and tiring. Well, maybe because I have other things I enjoy most, like going out with friends, dating (ugh!) and day dreaming. And then there is "work". Work, work, work, as in office work. Before I knew it, I was already entangled in a "busy" life.

One way or the other, in the course of this journey called life, we chose our destiny. I do believe so. I chose to be busy doing things which I thought makes me happy. I go out with friends, date and day dream somewhere else, not wanting to stay at home. I even opted to work in a big city. But then, the happiness fleeting as it is, never last long. And so I keep on searching; in the same places to say the least. Truth be known, but the search renders both the mind and body to bleed dry.

Then there's "HOME". The place I grew to have adored, warmth with the loving embrace of my blood family (Papa, Mama, my dear sister, with a wonderful addition in the person of my adorable son and our household help). The very place that afforded me the luxury of nature and taught me domestic chores and it's rewarding results. Amidst the chaos within myself, I seek refuge under the solace of my definition of home. I am glad I did. Once again, I have reclaimed the "Life" that was meant for me.

Each one of us seeks happiness. The whole point, is that our search may lead us astray. But in the end, we only have to look into the core of our being to see what will truly make us happy.

Happy journey...

"When The Job I love the most becomes a Burden"

All this time I thought I will reap excellent fruits of my labor. I have invested so much in my profession (oh at least I believe I am within the bounds of the definition of "professional"). Within those fifteen (15) years of service, I have managed to work my way up to where I am now (at supervisory level). Indeed, it was a promotion for a job well done. And this is well documented in the performance ratings I have earned.

I love my job, otherwise, I would not have been as dedicated as I had been. Those supervisors would not have rated my performance as "outstanding". Consequently, I would not have assumed a supervisory position in this institution. But, I have! So, with confidence I can say I am good.

Sad to note however, but these past few days I tend to loose my confidence. Much worse, I can not seem to find my value as an employee. To this day since February this year I have not accomplished anything work related. I have done a lot of reflection though, trying to understand my circumstance. Was it really the wrong move?

Losing confidence was actually a consequence of my confession to resign. But before my question is answered, I wish to elaborate on my story (at this point I can hear my friend say: "after all it is my story to tell"). And so my story goes...

...Since I joined the Project Management Office (PMO) after successfully completing and passing the Management Development Program (MDP), I have always been blunt about my intention of transferring/looking for a job that will allow me to be home based (in the province). The MDP is a training program made available to those with potential of assuming middle management position (just an FYI). Anyway, while with PMO I was also very vulgar about my views and not once did I allow anyone within the department to intimidate me (not even my superiors). I disagree when I find reason to disagree. And at some point this has been a cause of conflict between me and my immediate supervisor (the unit head). But still I managed to gain their appreciation for my contribution and so I again earned an "outstanding" rating for 2009 (this is so despite my being new to the unit and the department).

Late this January however, things got out of hand. I was holding a grudge against my unit head just before I was sent for an outside training. During training I was caught in an emotional confrontation with the Speaker (who also happens to be a friend of both my unit and my department head). In short I was entangled in a web of conflicts, thus I decided to give up. It was at this time that I told the department head of my decision to leave the institution by end of July this year.

Seemingly, as a protocol in any organization, I went through a series of intense conversation with my superiors. My unit head, without second thoughts, agreed to my proposition. But my two other superiors (the department and the group head respectively) advised me otherwise. With the latter, I saw slight hope for at least wonderful last days with the institution. But over a week things changed. All of my work assignments were pulled out and I was left to do nothing. It was totally demoralizing and degrading to be reporting for work and not doing anything. After 15 years this is the first time I felt entirely useless! Now, the job I once loved becomes a burden.

I keep asking myself, was I wrong in being transparent? Am I deserving to be treated this way?

"The Changes In Me"

Having spent most of my days in a countryside, I longed to live life differently. It's not that I was discontented. I have wonderful parents, though strict in a sense. However, my curiousity got out of me. I have always lived with my parents. They have been my shadow for over 26 years since I came into this world. Ah... "INDEPENDENCE", I guess this is the very reason why. Wanting to be in control, I decided to take that big leap.

I moved to the "City". Fascinated with city life and the wished independence, I felt anew then. But that didn't last long. I faced my first crisis in the city a month after. Out of the blue, I just felt like I don't belong at all. Deep inside I was crying to go home. Then, for some reasons, I was able to pull through. I found my place in my new environment and felt accepted at a point in time. Yes, only "at a point in time" since I was again confronted with over a handful of other crisis. And then again I made myself shine thereafter. This became a routine for the past 10 years. Until early this year, I finally realize how tiresome it had been.

Many says life is indeed a cycle of ups and downs. While this is true, still I believe we can make the "down" part a little less miserable. It may vary between individuals but, in my case being close to my family will ease the pain of being "down". In the end, the country life works out the best for me. I don't despise the "City", but it definitely is not my home.

How about you?

A Realization...

It is now fifteen (15) years since I entered the corporate labyrinth. The experience was worthwhile despite the roller coaster ride that I have to endure.

Looking back, my early days of employment was full of colorful promises. Having graduated with honors, I am confident about my future in the corporate world. Things were as clear as the sky. I know what I want and where I am going. I focused mainly on reaching a remarkable spot up the corporate ladder.

With dedication and genuine commitment for my job, I gradually achieve my goal. My superiors took notice of my efforts. I would say, they (my superiors) were convinced that my capabilities are limitless. Naturally, this comes with great expectations. Thus, I begin to assume greater responsibilities.

Now, I can say I have proven my worth as an employee. My career achievement is my pride. But despite that I still feel empty. Consequently, I took some time to reflect, wondering what was lacking. This brings me to a realization that I failed to maintain that balance between my career and my family.

Yes, career does not define life's success. No matter where we are in the corporate hierarchy, if the family is sacrificed, all is in vain. This has been my predicament as a single mom and as the eldest and unmarried member of the family. My work requires so much of my time that I barely see my son, my parents and my sister. I came to realize that providing for their financial needs is not enough. Finally, I understand the equal importance of my physical presence with them.

This familial awakening leads me to take a different turn from the career path I once followed. I am now about to give up my present job. At this point I continue to search for new earning endeavor that will allow me to be with my son and my family. I must admit the fear of the unknown overwhelms me. But the love I have for my son and my family is my strength in facing the challenges ahead.