All this time I thought I will reap excellent fruits of my labor. I have invested so much in my profession (oh at least I believe I am within the bounds of the definition of "professional"). Within those fifteen (15) years of service, I have managed to work my way up to where I am now (at supervisory level). Indeed, it was a promotion for a job well done. And this is well documented in the performance ratings I have earned.
I love my job, otherwise, I would not have been as dedicated as I had been. Those supervisors would not have rated my performance as "outstanding". Consequently, I would not have assumed a supervisory position in this institution. But, I have! So, with confidence I can say I am good.
Sad to note however, but these past few days I tend to loose my confidence. Much worse, I can not seem to find my value as an employee. To this day since February this year I have not accomplished anything work related. I have done a lot of reflection though, trying to understand my circumstance. Was it really the wrong move?
Losing confidence was actually a consequence of my confession to resign. But before my question is answered, I wish to elaborate on my story (at this point I can hear my friend say: "after all it is my story to tell"). And so my story goes...
...Since I joined the Project Management Office (PMO) after successfully completing and passing the Management Development Program (MDP), I have always been blunt about my intention of transferring/looking for a job that will allow me to be home based (in the province). The MDP is a training program made available to those with potential of assuming middle management position (just an FYI). Anyway, while with PMO I was also very vulgar about my views and not once did I allow anyone within the department to intimidate me (not even my superiors). I disagree when I find reason to disagree. And at some point this has been a cause of conflict between me and my immediate supervisor (the unit head). But still I managed to gain their appreciation for my contribution and so I again earned an "outstanding" rating for 2009 (this is so despite my being new to the unit and the department).
Late this January however, things got out of hand. I was holding a grudge against my unit head just before I was sent for an outside training. During training I was caught in an emotional confrontation with the Speaker (who also happens to be a friend of both my unit and my department head). In short I was entangled in a web of conflicts, thus I decided to give up. It was at this time that I told the department head of my decision to leave the institution by end of July this year.
Seemingly, as a protocol in any organization, I went through a series of intense conversation with my superiors. My unit head, without second thoughts, agreed to my proposition. But my two other superiors (the department and the group head respectively) advised me otherwise. With the latter, I saw slight hope for at least wonderful last days with the institution. But over a week things changed. All of my work assignments were pulled out and I was left to do nothing. It was totally demoralizing and degrading to be reporting for work and not doing anything. After 15 years this is the first time I felt entirely useless! Now, the job I once loved becomes a burden.
I keep asking myself, was I wrong in being transparent? Am I deserving to be treated this way?
I love my job, otherwise, I would not have been as dedicated as I had been. Those supervisors would not have rated my performance as "outstanding". Consequently, I would not have assumed a supervisory position in this institution. But, I have! So, with confidence I can say I am good.
Sad to note however, but these past few days I tend to loose my confidence. Much worse, I can not seem to find my value as an employee. To this day since February this year I have not accomplished anything work related. I have done a lot of reflection though, trying to understand my circumstance. Was it really the wrong move?
Losing confidence was actually a consequence of my confession to resign. But before my question is answered, I wish to elaborate on my story (at this point I can hear my friend say: "after all it is my story to tell"). And so my story goes...
...Since I joined the Project Management Office (PMO) after successfully completing and passing the Management Development Program (MDP), I have always been blunt about my intention of transferring/looking for a job that will allow me to be home based (in the province). The MDP is a training program made available to those with potential of assuming middle management position (just an FYI). Anyway, while with PMO I was also very vulgar about my views and not once did I allow anyone within the department to intimidate me (not even my superiors). I disagree when I find reason to disagree. And at some point this has been a cause of conflict between me and my immediate supervisor (the unit head). But still I managed to gain their appreciation for my contribution and so I again earned an "outstanding" rating for 2009 (this is so despite my being new to the unit and the department).
Late this January however, things got out of hand. I was holding a grudge against my unit head just before I was sent for an outside training. During training I was caught in an emotional confrontation with the Speaker (who also happens to be a friend of both my unit and my department head). In short I was entangled in a web of conflicts, thus I decided to give up. It was at this time that I told the department head of my decision to leave the institution by end of July this year.
Seemingly, as a protocol in any organization, I went through a series of intense conversation with my superiors. My unit head, without second thoughts, agreed to my proposition. But my two other superiors (the department and the group head respectively) advised me otherwise. With the latter, I saw slight hope for at least wonderful last days with the institution. But over a week things changed. All of my work assignments were pulled out and I was left to do nothing. It was totally demoralizing and degrading to be reporting for work and not doing anything. After 15 years this is the first time I felt entirely useless! Now, the job I once loved becomes a burden.
I keep asking myself, was I wrong in being transparent? Am I deserving to be treated this way?
